


It'll Pass

by DirtyLilGreaseMonkey



Category: Emmerdale, robron
Genre: M/M, Robert & Liv fluff, Roberts Angst, Sugden siblings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-23
Updated: 2017-02-23
Packaged: 2018-09-26 11:54:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9895382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DirtyLilGreaseMonkey/pseuds/DirtyLilGreaseMonkey
Summary: Robert and Chas return home after the sentencing.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is the scene I talked about at the end of 'Too Many Goodbyes' 
> 
> I don't think Aaron will want either Robert or Chas there with him but for the purpose of this I thought it worked.
> 
> Hope you like it.

There was no fight, he didn't struggle only a single tear escaped his eye as he nodded, accepting his fate and as he turned he mouthed the words I'm sorry before being led away yet to Robert it felt like his whole world had just been ripped from him. He watches those hunched shoulders until they disappear Chas' cries of protest not even registering as she screamed next to him. He sinks back down onto the bench his eyes trained on the door where the dark head of hair of the man he loves had gone through because any minute now someone was going to let him in on the joke.

But as the seconds tick by and people around him start to leave the gallery his chest becomes heavier and his throat begins to close, he almost feels like he's back in that car, drowning, he can't breathe; Aaron wasn't coming back.

_Twelve months._ How was he going to live without him for a whole year? How was he supposed to cope, but the question that was making his stomach churn was how was Aaron going to cope? He knew the lengths Aaron was willing to go to just to get by and it killed Robert to know Aaron had to handle this on his own and there was nothing he could do about it, he'd vowed just yesterday to keep him safe but by just sitting there watching his husband being led away he was breaking that promise already wasn't he?

The hand on his arm makes him jump; he forgot he isn't the only one this affects as Chas takes the seat next to him her face streaked with tears.

"He'll be home soon," he chokes out in an effort to comfort her, an automatic response even though he knows it won't be soon enough.

"Maybe sooner," she bumps his shoulder lightly and tries to smile but it doesn't reach her eyes like it did yesterday.

Yesterday, he looks down at his hand where Aaron's wedding band now sits alongside his own. What a difference a day makes, gone are the smiles and the laughter only to be replaced by sadness and tears. But he won't cry now, not here, he can't, he has liv to think about, she doesn't know yet and he can't break this news over the phone. But as much as he knows he needs to take care of Liv just like Aaron asked he can't seem to move, he's stuck, eyes glued to the door just in case.

Chas' gaze follows his and she gives him a sympathetic smile and he has no idea how she's so calm when she was crying and bawling just a few minutes ago. But she's been through this before he guesses, knows the drill, she's lived without her son in her life, not by choice of course, never by choice, but it's different for him, this is the first time he'll have to live without him, it reminds him of those two agonising weeks he spent at the beginning of last year when Aaron fled to Ireland after the abuse came out, not knowing where he was had been torture so he couldn't imagine how the next twelve months where going be without him.

Eventually Chas manages to coax him into leaving even though it breaks his heart to do so he knows that as harrowing as it is life has to go on, not that his will, but Livs will, he'll see to that.

He manages to navigate to the car under Chas guided assistance asking if he's okay to drive and he just nods as he climbs in not looking as Chas takes the seat Aaron was in just an hour earlier.

He hesitates before starting the engine looking back over his shoulder, he can't seem to leave, knowing Aaron was in that building and he had to let him go, the guilt sat in the pit of his stomach was killing him, but he knew if he didn't leave now he would sit there and wallow in self-pity and normally that would do, followed by a scotch or two, but it wasn't about him now,  so he slowly turns the key but the engine only splutters before it conks out, an omen he thinks as he turns it over again, the roar of the engine coming to life and with one last look back he sets off into the moving traffic and back to Liv; without her big brother.

 

It took Chas several attempts before she was heard her voice now laced with concern as she looks across at her son-in-law.

"Robert."

He slowly blinks and takes in his surroundings? How did he get here? He looks up at the pub in disbelief, talk about autopilot he didn't even remember leaving the court let alone the 15 minute drive back into Emmerdale. He has no recollection of the journey home either, too consumed with remembering how to breathe around the steadily increasing tightness in his chest.

“It's gonna be okay,” she told him again as they make their way across the car park and around to the front of the pub.

"Well?" He hears as soon as they push through the door but expectant faces fall when they see his face, not needing to ask how bad it had gone.

Lisa's _'Oh Love'_ filters through the murmurs as he walks through the swarm of Dingles, Chas tearfully explaining what happened, excepting their condolences just like he'd accepted their congratulations the previous day but this time there were no smiles or laughter just sympathetic looks and encouraging pats on the back, words like rite of passage and it happens to us all, seeping through as he willingly accepts the offer of whiskey he’s handed by Zak, no welly in sight this time, the amber liquid making him hiss as it burned the back of his throat.

Dutch courage he thinks to himself bitterly as he rounds the bar.

 

Liv skipped school of course and was sat at the kitchen table, sketch pad and pencils spread out in front of her as he pushes through the door but he knew that it was just for show, knew that she'd been crying, the same red rimmed eyes of her brother stared back at him expectantly as he steps into the back room:

He just shakes his head because what else can he say?

"How long?" she sniffs.

"Twelve months," he chokes watching the colour drain from her face.

"A year?" she cries pushing up from the table with such force that chair clatters to the floor.

"But you said...he said...," she was trying to hold it together; he can see the effort of it shaking her tiny frame as she barges across the room towards him.

"You said," she repeats only this time with her fists beating against his chest.

He guesses he deserves that, it was his fault in a way, if he hadn't been stupid, if he hadn't lied, if he'd tried more they might now be in this mess.

He didn't say anything even as his chest and stomach absorb her blows and when she's finished he steps closer and much too both their surprise he holds her as she sobs.

"It's gonna be okay,” he tells her his hand stroking her hair like he's witnessed Aaron do a hundred times, not sure who he was trying to console but as Aarons sad smile wasn't there to provide her with the reassurance she needed his words didn't carry much weight, they become meaningless like he’s lost the faith he’s been clinging too and with it the energy to carry on. But it wasn't lost, if there was ever a time to get it together it was now and that's what he intended to do, if front of Liv anyway.

"But he have the house don't we," he reminds her.

"You....?" she looks up at him,

"You're not sending me away?"

"Hey," he places his hands on her shoulders and bends his knees slightly so she can see his how serious he is.

"I meant everything I said yesterday, the wedding was as much for you and it was for me and Aaron, you're stuck with me remember?"

"Promise?"

"If you've have been around you'd have known that."

"Yeah....," she shuffles her feet a gesture so similar to Aarons he has to look away for a moment before he can carry on.

"We're family now liv, me you and Aaron," he reassures her just as the noise from the gathering of Dingles in the pub reaches them,

"And besides you think that lot in there's gonna let me forget it?"

She rolled her eyes in true Aaron style and he's never been more proud of her.

Satisfied he wasn't going to kick her out she sighs and asks,

"Can I go to Gabbys?"

"Yeah go on, off with ya," Robert pats her arm encouragingly glad she has friends she can talk to.

She makes it as far as the door before turning around grabbing her brothers purple hoodie that for some reason is over the back of sofa asking her now sort of step brother,

"Are you alright?"

His face softens at the question and he nods before waving his arm towards the door,

"I'm fine, now scram."

 

Not wanting to go back out into the bar or up the stairs to the room he shared with Aaron, just the thought of climbing into their bed without him there to share it causes his chest to constrict and the pool of guilt that has settled in his stomach to rise, if he can't handle this who knows how he'll live every day for the next Twelve months with him.

_Twelve months._

Twelve months, 52 weeks, 365 days, the anniversaries, the birthdays he'll miss, it doesn't bear thinking about so why can't he get that figure out of his head? He promised he'd keep him safe and it hasn’t even been 24 hours yet and he's already failed. The pull of another burning drink is too strong and just the squeak of the cork as he pulls it free is enough to ease a little of the tightness in his chest but the burn as it travels down his throat isn't nearly as cathartic as he hopes so he pours another and takes it over to the sofa before collapsing into it, closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose he sinks back into the soft cushions with a heavy defeated sigh.

This was not how he imagined spending his honeymoon, alone, his husband, husband, behind bars and it was all his fault.

He doesn't know how long he sits there for, his head in his hands, his fingers tugging lightly at the thick strands as he lets the reality of the situation wash over him, Aaron's pained face the only thing he can see behind his closed eyes, not the only thing, he could see Liv too, and as much as he wants, needs, to break down he knows Aaron needs him to be strong, not just for him, them, but for her too.

 

"Rob?"

Vic's voice breaks through his thoughts and he looks up to find the concerned eyes of his sister staring back at him.

"What happened?" she asks from her spot on the coffee table her, hand reaching out to touch his knee and it takes everything in him to accept her gesture, when what he really wants to do is push her away, shut himself off and pretend this isn't happening because not only has he let Aaron and liv down he's let her down too, her and Adam, they love Aaron like family, they are family now, in his eyes anyway, he drank from a welly, that has to mean something right?

"He isn't coming home Vic," his voice cracks on that last word.

"How long?"

"A year," he swallows across the acidic taste the words bring to his mouth.

"Oh."

Vic looks shocked like she hadn't been expecting it, and she hadn't, none of them had expect......the sudden realisation makes him look up at her the muscle in his jaw jerking it was clenched so tight.

"He knew didn't he?"

"He's been here before Robert," she tells him what he already knows.

"But...it's all my fault," he lets his face fall into his hands again.

"Don't do that," she asks him but he ignores her.

"That night he should have been here with me, but I let him go, I let him walk out didn't I."

"You didn't know what he was gonna go," she tries to reassure him but it's not working.

"I know what he's capable of," he bites back.

"Yeah and so does he," she points out,

"This isn't your fault Robert."

"Then why do I feel like I've let him down, I'm supposed to keep him safe Vic, and he looked so.....scared."

"Because you just lost the man you love, your husband of course you're gonna feel like that, but he'll be home before you know it."

There was that word again, _home_.

Home was something he avoided for years, but now it was something he longed for, with Aaron, and yes the pub was where he lived but it had never really been home and it never would be without Aaron in it, but he was determined to build a home for them, to get the mill, ready for when Aaron came back to him because despite how lost he felt now Aaron would come back to him, he'd promised.

With a renewed sense of purpose he nodded sadly at his sister.

"Have you talked to Liv?" she asks fondly, Liv has a way of doing that, of getting on your last nerve but you can't help but love her, and he did love her in his own way.

"Yeah just now she's gone to Gabbys."

"She's gonna need you," she says determinedly.

Robert ran his hands through his hair and nods; he knows, he told Aaron he'd take care of her and he wasn't about to let him down again.

"Right," her voice cuts through the silence,

"I'll leave ya to it."

"Thanks," he offers a sad smile climbing to his feet dropping a kiss to her temple before wrapping his arms around her.

"You know where I am if you need me," she reminds him as she pulls back from his embrace.

He watches her leave his eyes lingering on the door expecting his grumpy husband to walk in any minute but knowing he won’t, can't, he resigns himself to a hot shower and makes his way slowly up the stairs.

 

He pauses in front of their room, the room they've shared for months now, the room they spent their first and only wedded night together in, and he feels his chin begin to wobble as he contemplates spending this first night alone, without him by his side. With a deep breath he pushes open the door and lets it fall shut behind him, leaning back against it he lets out a heavy sigh. Now he’s alone, the dull sounds of the pub below him, a reminder that life goes on, he finally allows the fear he's been squashing down over the last few weeks and the pain of losing the man he loves to take hold, and the first of many tears begin to fall. He shrugs his jacket off his tired body, removes his shoes and socks, unbuttons his shirt and replaces his trousers with his sweats too exhausted both mentally and physically to even think a shower now and climbs into bed not caring that the red digital display glared a time associated with food rather than sleep, when was the last time he ate? It’s very unlikely he'll be getting any sleep any time so anyway his heads a tangled web of emotions. He's scared, confused, angry, but most of all he just feels lost. He reaches over and pulls his phone from his jacket that he's slung on the floor, a sign of just how tired he really is, and starts to open his messages scolding himself when he realises Aaron won’t have his phone, instead he presses his thumb to his husbands name and pretends he can, the last message Aaron sent him coming into focus and through his blurry eyes he clicks play. The tones of Adele’s 'Make You Feel My Love' begin to play, it’s the recording Chas made of them, was it really only yesterday and he can't help but smile as he watches the two of them, him and Aaron, remembering the feel of Aaron in his arms, the feel of his lips, the way he smelt and he looks over at other side of the bed, empty, and a silent sob escapes his chest and it's enough that he breaks down; tears streamed down his face dropping off the end of his nose mixing with the clear snot from his nostrils. He was so happy yesterday, they both were even with the sentencing hanging over them and now…now he’s alone, and he hugs Aarons pillow to his chest, his nose buried in the soft fabric as he lets it catch the rest of his tears but it’s not enough.

His watery eyes fall on the black hoodie that hanging on the back of the door, the white cord a stark contrast to the darkness of the room and he gets up to and wraps it around himself inhaling deeply, just like Aaron had done outside the courthouse, the thought bringing a smile to his face, they were similar in ways like that, they needed each other. Realising which hoodie it is he's now wearing he lets out a sad laugh; it’s the same hoodie Aaron had been wearing when he’d kissed him for the first time all those months ago at the side of the road. Yesterday had brought back memories of their sordid affair and with it a fondness as he remembers how he felt about Aaron then, and now, now he gets to call him husband. Who would have thought it eh? Lest of all him but the dirty little grease monkey with the deep blue eyes had gotten under his skin from the very first moment he'd laid eyes on him. Secure in Aaron's love for him he shoves his hands in the pockets and turns back towards the bed his fingers brushing against something and he pulls it out cursing Aaron as he did until he unfolded the slip of paper.

> _Robert,_

The letter began making him inhale sharply, the threat of more tears stinging his eyes as he read on.

> _If you're reading this it means I'm not coming home for a while and yes I knew you'd choose this one, soft lad. None of this is your fault so stop beating yourself up....._

What was this? He'd seen Aaron scribbling something that morning but he'd assumed it was for the scrapyard but maybe he'd been wrong and how did he know that he was blaming himself? Because it was them, they could never hide anything from each other, they knew each other inside and out, even back then Aaron knew better than anyone else so he shouldn't be surprised that Aaron knew that he was blaming himself.

> _.....it was my mistake and I'll face the consequences I'm just sorry I let you down. I aren't great at this stuff but you know._
> 
> _Aaron_

"I know," he whispers in the hopes that Aaron does know and after yesterday he's pretty sure he does. He folds the note and slips it inside his wallet for safe keeping, for the hard days he knows are yet to come and sinks back into the bed that doesn’t quite feel right without his other half and re watches the video on repeat until it becomes a blur, sheer exhaustion pulling him under. The last thought he has is of Aaron, alone, just like he is, and scared, just like he is, and he vows to himself before the darkness descends that he'll make sure Aaron feels loved even if it's the last thing he does.


End file.
